


I'd rather drown

by Go_get_Jakes_gun



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Heart Break, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, I'd rather drown, Kinda, M/M, Siblings, Song Lyrics, Song fic, Spoiler alert: Regulus dies, set it off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 11:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15604854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Go_get_Jakes_gun/pseuds/Go_get_Jakes_gun
Summary: A brief look into the rather angsty side of the relationships held by a Mr. Regulus Arcturus Black during his short stay on earth.





	I'd rather drown

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick fic:
> 
> Song: I'd rather drown--- by Set it Off (Seriously though, if you haven't heard the song I'd totally recommend that you check it out!)

_Thanks for treating me like every boy you meet_

_._

 

Regulus was so far gone that he didn’t even feel the tears streaming down his cheeks as he forced more and more of the potion into him.

 

He found himself wondering, not for the first time, how he’d wound up in this place. In this cave. Alone (save for Kreacher) and dying. The potion wasn’t helping much, given its propensity towards making him relive his worst memories.

 

.

 

_Here’s the part where I learn, and you will teach_

_On how to treat people like a piece of meat_

_._

 

Everything Thomas said, everything he told him to do.

 

“Don’t smile like that~ people are watching.”

“Hold my hand.”

“You’re such an idiot- urgh, you are so lucky to have me around.”

“Don’t make a sound, I don’t want to hear you tonight.”

 

All the pain, all the abuse that this relationship brought. He was sick of it- he _hated_ it… and yet, he kept going back. Why?

 

A small voice, a wounded voice, in the back of his head whispered out _he’s just like Mother and Father_ , _he’s the missing piece in your family. The boy that would make Mother and Father proud- the boy they’d happily call ‘son’ the one that could_ ~

 

No. He didn’t want to think to heavily on that. Besides, he told himself, he was just using Thomas to make Evan jealous, right? There was _no way_ he’d willingly put himself in an abusive relationship. He wasn’t _that_ kind of person.

 

Right?

 

“ _Right_?”

 

_._

_I want a genuine, not a replica_

_Lethal medicine, a pin to the cornea_

_A sight for sore eyes_

_While other guys consume the lie, I’ll run and hide_

_._

Regulus watched the brother that had abandoned him almost instantaneously after his sorting ceremony playing with his friends. They all looked so happy. He felt nauseous.

 

He wanted that, he told himself, something like that. A _‘brother’_ if you would, a classmate he was close with. Except that when he caught a glimpse of Sirius smiling, all hopes of ever achieving that were shattered. He didn’t want someone _like_ a brother, he wanted **_his_** _brother_ , dammit!

 

And watching Potter envelop him in a hug…

 

Regulus turned away and stalked back to the Slytherin Common Room as fast as he could, desperate that nobody should see his tears.

 

 

_._

_You’re nothing more than a temptress_

_I fell victim to a heartless snare_

_._

 

It was young love, Regulus thought. _Puppy love_. It would go away, he told himself.

 

Except that it never did. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he was head-over-heels in love with Evan Rosier. Evan Rosier, the Golden Boy, the future Slytherin Quidditch Team Captain…

 

The boy who would _never_ notice him.

 

_._

_I cannot trust you easily_

_Or think that I’m the only one_

_._

 

Regulus was a mess. Who wouldn’t be if they caught the guy that they’d pined after for two years before _finally_ getting together with, kissing some-some _girl_ in the bloody fucking Common Room after a Quidditch game?

 

It had been tough for Regulus when he’d first started dating Evan, because he’d known that more than half the people in the godsdamned castle pined over the blonde beater, but Evan had reassured him _constantly_ that he’d never cheat on him, never leave him for anyone else.

 

And now…?

_._

_I never let people in, and I have you to remind me why_

_._

Sirius had left the house. It was all Sirius’s fault, and nobody could convince Regulus otherwise.

 

“I had no choice!” Sirius exclaimed angrily. “Reg- they were trying to force me to become a Death Eater!”

 

“Then you should have- _I would have!_ ” Regulus figured that the reason that he was crying so much nowadays was likely due to being a hormonal teenager. Barty had the insane idea that Regulus was crying because his life was really shitty at the moment and it was the only thing keeping him sane. Silly Barty. “I have nothing to say to you, goodbye.”

 

“Oh, classic,” Sirius called, as Regulus exited the room. “ _Classic_! ‘ickle Reggie throwing a temper tantrum because he isn’t getting what he wants, huh?”

 

Well maybe if you and mother had fought less, I’d be more open with people.

 

_._

_I never will cross that bridge again_

_I’d rather drown_

_._

 

He’d blown it. He’d seriously and royally blown it.

 

His relationship with Rosier was mended-ish (A testament to that ‘-ish’ was the fact that he’d started thinking of him as ‘Rosier’ instead of ‘Ev’.), but still quite strained. They had a conflict of interests, a conflict that Regulus was unable to be open about as it would involve him coming forth about his discontent with their Lord, in stark contrast to Evan’s utter devotion to their Lord.

 

He barely spoke to Barty anymore, or Severus, or any of his old school friends, really. He’d been in a bit of a downward spiral the past few months, unable to come to terms with exactly what it was that he was obliged to do as a Death Eater.

 

And then- and then Voldemort (because why the fuck not? He was a dead-man-walking anyways) had borrowed Kreacher, and Kreacher had come back barely arrived. The House Elf had reaffirmed Regulus’s longheld suspicion that the Dark Lord had been using Horcruxes.

 

What to do with the information? He knew that he ought to take it to Dumbledore, but could he really trust the man? Slytherin House had always had a difficult relationship with Dumbledore- with _any_ of the ex-Gryffindor Headmasters.

 

What about Severus? He laughed. Severus was one of the Dark Lord’s most loyal, second only to Bellatrix.

 

Barty? He _had_ made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with the Dark Lord…

 

No- he thought, he was not going to endanger his friend. It was bad enough that doing this might endanger his parents and his-his brother, whom he was most definitely _not_ going to seek aid from… not after the last time they’d crossed paths.

 

So instead he wrote a note, told his mother that he would be out- that he was going out to tea with Barty- and bade a silent farewell to Grimmauld Place, certain that it would be the last time he ever saw it as he gripped the hand of his quivering House Elf.

 

_._

_Drown me, slit my throat so lightly_

_Pick me up and drop me right into my grave_

_._

 

He couldn’t breathe, it hurt too much.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> _And now I wonder, sit alone and ponder_   
>  _Should I even bother, when I see your face?_


End file.
